Come Out at Work

Series of posts about how to come out at work in various regards.

Let Out Your Inner Drummer [video]

Haig Chahinian

We loved The Carpenters back in the day, and “Superstar” remains up there among our all-time favorite songs. The duet comprised Karen Carpenter and her brother Richard Carpenter, based in Southern California. What you may not know is that Karen identified first as a drummer, and as a singer second.

Which can be hard to believe given how silky her voice was. Take a look below at the absolute joy she exudes while banging those drums! Her drumsticks seem to be a natural extension of her hands.

While Karen desired both to drum and sing for the Carpenters, Richard wanted her not to hide behind the hulking drum sets, and to be seen more fully at the front of the stage only singing. It was a more commercially appealing proposition, and so Karen came center stage, away from her beloved drums.

Legend has it that her new placement on stage ultimately contributed to her demise. It seems without the creative and rhythmic outlet of drumming, along with difficult family dynamics and–oh, yes–international stardom, Karen Carpenter developed anorexia nervosa. She succumbed to the eating disorder early in 1983.

What do we learn here? If you have a strong desire, or something essential in you — a talent and drive for drumming, or a proclivity to create order out of reams of data —  exercise it! Let it all hang out, and not only will you feel freer at work, you’ll likely meet great success.

It would have been exciting to see what would become of the Carpenters’ success had Karen stuck to the drums.  We’re bummed that we’ll never know.

What do you have inside of you that needs to be let out?

Image via

Come Out at Work: As Bereaved

Haig Chahinian

When you Google “Haig Chahinian,” you easily come across a blog we created in memory of our sister, Alice, who died in a car wreck nearly five years ago. To be sure, it’s full of raw pain and anguish, not atypical after losing a loved one.

A few months ago we wrote to the alumni association of our high school alma mater and asked the newsletter editor to remove the reference to Alice’s blog. We received no answer, and thought about asking again, because we’ve felt somewhat exposed by those Google results. Ironic, right? We’ve spent years writing and publishing that chronicle on the World Wide Web, so go figure.

Well, on one hand, we’re working so diligently to be seen as an expert on the intricacies of professional development, and when we feel vulnerable, Alice’s blog seems like a liability. On the other, we know that whoever may experience a family member’s death and then read the blog will find comfort. We are proud of what we’ve written, and how we initially cut our blogging chops there.

Ultimately, we decided to stand by the Google results, and in effect we’ve come out as bereaved.

What does this mean about the work we do? Three things. 1. We’re in a helping profession, and the blog is a resource for those with a similar family event. 2. It represents an absolute truism about us, that we readily relate to pain and sadness that may be present at work.

And 3. We had a beautiful sister.

Have you come out as bereaved at work? How has this influenced your experience?

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Come Out and (Press) Play

Haig Chahinian


June is LGBT–lesbian, gay, bi and trans–Pride month, when queer folks and allies come together in the name of pride and the pursuit of equality, inside and outside of the workplace.

Coinciding with the occasion, In the Life Media has produced a series of videos called “LGBT Executives Speak Out” in which corporate and non-profit leaders reveal their advocacy work. Press the play button to view the segment above, which features Bobby Wilkinson of State Farm Insurance.

The series is an interactive supplement to “A Message of Hope” viewable in its entirety here.

How do you like the videos?

Image via

Revealing Your Whole Self During an Interview? Good Idea.

Haig Chahinian

One of our most favorite Career Talk Live episodes starred Gen, a television producer. As is typical on our talk show, we discussed the highlights and lowlights of her career trajectory.

We were startled for a moment when she recounted an interview she had in Hong Kong, where she began her career.  She was interviewing for a junior video producer position at a prominent TV studio.

“Do you like to watch television?” she was asked.

Off the cuff she answered, “no.”

And she got the job.

Turns out her interviewers didn’t like to watch television either. Although they liked to produce it, so they saw her as one of their own.

It goes to show you: divulging your true thoughts and feelings — during an interview, especially — helps your colleagues see you for who you truly are.

Which helps them relate to you, as the people they truly are. Resulting in stronger interpersonal connections, which often lead to job offers.

When have you been candid on a job interview? What happened?

Newest Crop of Champions to Come Out at Work [video]

Haig Chahinian

There’s been a rash of prominent professionals declaring their gayness recently. Remarkably, in their respective industries few have come (out) before them, probably because these fields lean toward the macho. Take a look at the rundown:

  1. Don Lemon, CNN reporter and news anchor
  2. Jared Max, ESPN New York 1050 sports radio host
  3. Georgia State Representative Rashad Taylor (D-Atlanta), and
  4. Rick Welts, president and chief executive of the Phoenix Suns — it’s a basketball team.

We’re totally touched by the sentiments these fellows expressed about the process of revealing their true selves on the job. Consider:

Don Lemon, in an interview with the Washington Blade, said “I just feel like a new person,” and

[In coming out now,] at first there was a perceived risk. That, you know, my livelihood would be taken away, that people would shun me, that people would ostracize me, that people would turn off the television and not watch me. Sometimes the fear of the unknown is worse than actually knowing, right? Now that I’ve come out, and I’m on this side, then now I’m living in that risk and that fear. Maybe there are people that won’t watch me. Meh! I’ll have to deal with it. Maybe there are people who are going to write bad, dirty things about me. Meh! I’ll have to deal with it. Before I was dealing with the possibility, which isn’t real. So now I’m living it. So now I’m walking, and taking those steps, and every single day, if it does indeed happen, then I’ll just have to deal with it. And I’ll have to discuss it. If it doesn’t happen? Then all of that fear was for naught. So the actual fear was losing my livelihood. Who knows? That could still happen. But you know what? I don’t think so. I tend to believe in the goodness of people.

Next, Jared Max put new meaning in “Maxed Out in the Morning”, his ESPN radio show, by declaring live on air “I’ve hidden behind what is a gargantuan-size secret here in the sports world. I am gay,” and then Read more →

Come Out at Work: As a Pessimist

Haig Chahinian

We’ve been called Debby Downer, Worrying Walter, and other mildly funny names because of our proclivity to look first at the dark side of things. Now there’s research to support our pessimistic ways, even in the workplace.

The article “Can Positive Thinking be Negative?” in the May/June 2011 edition of Scientific American Mind explores the benefits of pessimism in the context of professional life.

Pessimists tend to fret a great deal about upcoming stressors such as job interviews or major exams, and they overestimate their likelihood of failure. Yet this worrying works for these individuals because it allows them to be better prepared. Work by Wellesley College psychologist Julie Norem and her colleagues shows that depriving defensive pessimists of their preferred coping style–for example, by forcing them to “cheer up”–leads them to perform worse on tasks.

So if it comes naturally, go ahead and connect with the downside of your world. With all the negative headlines in the news, it’s clearly adaptive to be prepared for the worst, including at work.

As long as you continue to hope for the best.

Do you identify as a pessimist? How has this affected your work?

Cartoon via

Come Out at Work: With a Triple-Whammy

Haig Chahinian

A dear friend and colleague, “Sandy,” recently accepted the role of manager of recruiting at a preeminent cultural institution in New York City. Before starting her official first day, her colleagues-to-be took her out to lunch to welcome her into the fold.

Which is where trouble struck.

During the meal, Sandy’s coworkers noticed she wasn’t eating much at all. She sensed them taking notice, and felt compelled to speak up. “I’m gluten-free,” she announced, and related her solidarity with her daughter who lives with celiac disease, and manages the condition with the whole family’s help.

Did you see that? She came out at work as a mother just then, too. Her revelations didn’t stop there.

Since this is in New York, the discussion soon turned to Broadway theater. “I love Stephen Sondheim,” she professed.  “He’s dark,” a teammate responded about the American lyricist’s themes, getting a grasp on Sandy’s taste in entertainment.

A couple of days later, Sandy confided to us, “I revealed too much!” She felt exposed, and was unsure about the implications of what she disclosed to her lunch companions.  She acknowledged that talking about her dietary restrictions was practical, since of course she plans to eat regularly at work. And being a mom who works is nothing extraordinary. But piling on to the mix her affections for Stephen Sondheim, she concluded, was probably too much for her new compatriots to bear.

Which got us thinking about the nature of coming out at work. Read more →