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The Goodness of Bad Feelings at Work

Haig Chahinian

During the course of the day, many of us shy away from bad feelings. You know the ones: the day’s coasting when you see, or hear, or remember something and immediately feel embarrassed, or guilty,  or doubt-ridden. “Buck up,” and “soldier on,” you think to yourself, platitudes that fall flat.

Which is why Pooja Nath, founder of Piazza.com, didn’t recite these phrases to herself when she felt bad as a college student studying in the computer lab. Profiled recently in the New York Times, Nath’s story goes like this:

When Pooja Nath was an undergraduate at the Indian Institute of Technology Kanpur, an elite engineering school in India, she felt isolated. She was one of the few women on campus. While her male classmates collaborated on problem sets, Ms. Nath toiled in the computer lab alone.

“Back then, no one owned a laptop, there was no Internet in the dorm rooms. So everyone in my class would be working in the computer lab together,” she said. “But all the guys would be communicating with each other, getting help so fast, and I would be on the sidelines just watching.”

The experience as a young woman in that culture formed the foundation of her start-up in Silicon Valley, Piazza.

About her company, a homework help site:

Students post questions to their course page, which peers and educators can then respond to. Instructors moderate the discussion, endorse the best responses and track the popularity of questions in real time. Responses are also color-coded, so students can easily identify the instructor’s comments.

Although there are rival services, like Blackboard, an education software company, Piazza’s platform is specifically designed to speed response times. The site is supported by a system of notification alerts, and the average question on Piazza will receive an answer in 14 minutes.

You see that? Those crap feelings you sometimes experience on the job can help you find fame and fortune. The task is not to silence your emotions, but rather to tolerate them, and listen to them.

If you can do this, your bad feelings may help you make decisions about your professional path. How great is that?

One last bit that floors us: the average question on Piazza will receive an answer in 14 minutes. What does this mean? Yes, the technological infrastructure of Nath’s business is impressive.

Also, there’s an ever-increasing expectation that we are always in front of a screen. Which makes us feel scared, and anxious as we consider the prospect of being in front of a back-lit screen at all times.

We’ll tolerate these uncomfortable feelings, open to the goodness they may still bring.

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Come Out at Work: As Undocumented

Haig Chahinian

If you want to change the world, that is.

We’re reminded of the pain and anguish that can be part of revealing your true self at work. While exposing our vulnerabilities often makes us stronger, it can also come with great risk. Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Jose Antonio Vargas knows first hand, and in the New York Times he recently asked the journalistic questions to himself and published the story of coming out as an undocumented American.

Born in the Philippines, at the age of twelve Vargas was sent by his mother to live in America with relatives.  He earned a merit-based scholarship to California State University San Francisco, and through diligent work–and sometimes illegal means–as a first year student he gained employment at The San Francisco Chronicle. Vargas built on this experience, and procured journalist roles at other preeminent media outlets such as The Philadelphia Daily News, The Huffington Post and The Washington Post.

But his identity as an undocumented immigrant took unsustainable amounts of energy to hide. In the Times, he recounts: Read more →

When is it OK to Change Your Mind? [video]

Haig Chahinian

Let’s get right to the answer: always. It’s always OK to change your mind at work, as long as you remain thoughtful and emotionally grounded in your decisions.

Case in point: New York State Senator Mark Grisanti (R-North Buffalo) who spoke on Friday during the Marriage Equality Act floor debate. Said Grisanti:

I have never in the past four months researched an issue or met with so many people and groups on a single issue such as this.  I have struggled with this immensely, I can tell you that.  I have read numerous documents, independent studies, talked with a lot of people on both sides of this issue.

As a Catholic I was raised to believe that marriage was between a man and a woman.  I’m not here however as a senator who is just Catholic.  I’m also here with a background as an attorney, through which I look at things and I apply reason.

I know that with this decision, many people who voted for me will question my integrity a short time ago.  I tell you though that I have studied this issue.  For those that know me, they know that I have struggled with it.

To those whose support I may lose, please know that in the past what I was telling you, and what I believed at that time was the truth.  But by doing the research and ultimately doing what I believe to be the right thing, to me shows integrity.

I would not respect myself if I didn’t do the research, have an open mind and make a decision  — an informed decision — based on the information before me.  A man can be wiser today than yesterday, but there’ll be no respect for that man if he has failed in his duty to do the work.

I cannot legally come up with an argument against same-sex marriage.  Who am I to say that someone does not have the same rights that I have with my wife who I love, or that have the 1300-plus rights that I share with her?

We admire the way he openly works the various parts of him self: Catholic, senator, attorney, man and husband. And in addition to the signing of the glorious bill into law, the result of his actions include Governor Mario Cuomo’s accolades. The New York governor referred to Senator Grisanti as “people of courage and people of principle.”

To be sure, in exploring the act of changing your mind, we don’t mean reacting impulsively, or not remaining true to what you believe (*cough* CindyMcCain). We’re talking about the necessarily introspective re-consideration of an idea or belief.

Watch Senator Grisanti’s whole, yet brief, speech.

What have you experienced when you’ve changed your mind at work?

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Revealing Your Whole Self During an Interview? Good Idea.

Haig Chahinian

One of our most favorite Career Talk Live episodes starred Gen, a television producer. As is typical on our talk show, we discussed the highlights and lowlights of her career trajectory.

We were startled for a moment when she recounted an interview she had in Hong Kong, where she began her career.  She was interviewing for a junior video producer position at a prominent TV studio.

“Do you like to watch television?” she was asked.

Off the cuff she answered, “no.”

And she got the job.

Turns out her interviewers didn’t like to watch television either. Although they liked to produce it, so they saw her as one of their own.

It goes to show you: divulging your true thoughts and feelings — during an interview, especially — helps your colleagues see you for who you truly are.

Which helps them relate to you, as the people they truly are. Resulting in stronger interpersonal connections, which often lead to job offers.

When have you been candid on a job interview? What happened?

How to Work Through a Dry Spell

Haig Chahinian

We’ve been in the midst of a dry spell; ideas and inspiration for writing have seemed elusive, and our energy level’s been lacking. What’s going on? An accumulation of life’s little traumas — unrelenting hay fever plus turning 40 combined with persistent low-grade family tension — has left us post-less over the last four weeks.

Yet here we are, writing again. The question is, how did we get through these dark, unproductive days? And more important, how can you find your groove again the next time you want to produce, but can’t?

Regardless of the specific nature of your task, if you’re getting stuck, there’s creativity in your work that sometimes needs a catalyst to keep it aflame. Consider the following six tips as part of your toolbox to generate momentum on the job.

1. Put your work in its proper context. What exactly will happen if your assignment doesn’t get done immediately? Or in a week? Or in a month? And who will be most impacted by your unproductive-ness?

Your endeavor is probably not a life or death scenario, and you’ll likely be able to salvage your relationship(s) with the person or entities most affected by your tardiness. So if you think your organization won’t cave in from your incomplete assignment, you can relax.

2. Switch gears. Shake up your patterns of working by engaging in a task different from the one you need to do. For example, if you need to be researching, try writing for a while. If you need to write, spend some time researching. This will help you feel productive, which can kick-start your needed forward movement. Read more →

3 “A”s of Ambition

Haig Chahinian

Last week we sat on a panel at Pace University discussing “diversity in the workplace.”  Panelists talked about corporate and non-profit initiatives that exist to promote more integrated places of work, and how students can prepare themselves to talk about issues of identity and organizational dynamics during interviews.

It was an even-keeled evening for a theme that many folks have been socialized to avoid:  essentially how race, class, gender, sexual orientation, religion, ability, ethnicity and age relate to the American social structure. Panelists focused on how students can excel within this reality.

The final discussion prompt was “what career advice do you have for students?” This is what we had to say, in essence:

The upper echelons of organizations still largely lack diversity. While companies write policies about recruiting a fully representative workforce, and many have “diversity offices,” this sometimes allows the top brass to feel they’re working enough to create an integrated environment.  And yet, the pool of Fortune 500 CEOs is comprised mostly of straight White males. How can a young upstart work her way up? Read more →

5 New, Must-Have Skills for the Rough and Tumble 2010s

Haig Chahinian

Speaking of makeovers, the definition of human capital is getting a much-needed refashioning by David Brooks, author of the just-published The Social Animal: The Hidden Sources of Love, Character, and Achievement.

He describes a “new humanism,” and breaks it down into 5 poetic-sounding terms: attunement, equipoise, metis, sympathy and limerence.  From his op-ed piece of March 8, 2011:

Attunement: the ability to enter other minds and learn what they have to offer.

Equipoise: the ability to serenely monitor the movements of one’s own mind and correct for biases and shortcomings.

Metis: the ability to see patterns in the world and derive a gist from complex situations.

Sympathy: the ability to fall into a rhythm with those around you and thrive in groups.

Limerence: This isn’t a talent as much as a motivation. The conscious mind hungers for money and success, but the unconscious mind hungers for those moments of transcendence when the skull line falls away and we are lost in love for another, the challenge of a task or the love of God. Some people seem to experience this drive more powerfully than others.

Trip out, right? These sound like traits of godliness. They also sound somewhat similar to emotional intelligence and social intelligence. The question is, if you’re not the Dalai Lama, how might you develop these skills? Brooks refers to them as “deeper talents,” which suggests that some people have more of a natural ability in these areas than others.

The first step is to identify that these skills are something you wish to develop. Then, considering their complexity, you might benefit from working with a professional guidance counselor like an executive coach or psychologist.

Which is to say, talking about your self relative to acquiring more limerence, metis and equipoise is a helpful way to equip yourself to navigate the world of work in the 2010s, and beyond.

Do you identify as having any combination of these 5 skills? Which ones, and how?